hey , 

i havent been writing much here i think . 

and now i am here to write again in you . 

there were hopes , i swear and there is expectations . 

i dont put high expectations on you instead on myself . 

not because of this and thats but because i think if i did my part maybe you will see it and you will change together with me somehow for our family . 

as the days got nearer to the day your tagging is going to drop i swear my mind has been going wild about so many things . 

no matter how much i try to push it away . 

i have been keeping myself busy all the time to keep my fear hidden well and all . 

i look at you and somehow i dont want to lose everything that we have build up so far . 

please my dear , 

i hope that the choices of giving you the space that you needed the trust that needed wont make me regret any of it in the end somehow . 

i gave everything i needed to you , 

and honestly if i were to lose i think i wont make a big fuss any more cause i did more than i am able to right ?

i just want life to be peaceful to have lesser drama like all family do .

i just want both of us and our kids to have a happy and whole family . 

i dont wish to be because of small things then we started fighting and all . 

its tiring , 

its hurting both me and you . 

maybe the time in the house is too much and all . 

we are always together and all . 

have you got tired of having me around ?

cause i know i am not . 

i know one day i wont get to spend as much time i have now with you anymore once your tag drop and lele going to school and me going back to work and all . 

we will all be busy and all and lifee would be so different i guess . 

but promise me something dont give up on us , 

dont ever let go of my hand . 

dont ever let what we build up so far gone to waste because of one action alright ?

i wont hurt you if you dont hurt me . 

i wont leave you if you wont leave me . 

i love you my dear